I am the most intelligent person you are likely to encounter, yet I hold no degrees; I am the most innovative thinker, yet progress is my purest form of evil; and I am the most charming man with whom you will converse, yet I harbor nothing but malice. My name is Roman Ivan Konstantinavitch.
My parents named me after the Romanov family; it is rumored that we are descended from the late Tsar's brother. My parents were Russian immigrants, fleeing communism and looking for freedom; instead, they found America. They raised me better than most, and as far as I am aware, there were no childhood traumas in my early development. My genealogical research has not yielded any cases of insanity or sociopathy in my direct line, and no family member has been arrested for any serious crimes. I am not searching out some sort of explanation, I merely harbor a detached curiosity as to why I am this way.
I am able to use terms such as "detached" in a theoretical sense. I understand emotions, they are not some unfathomable foreign concept for me; I simply do not have them. I know exactly in what ways I differ from the rest of the population and I am more convincing with false emotions than most are with real emotions. I do not have a sexual need to kill, I am not a slave to the socially unacceptable thoughts which course through my mind. The need to kill and a willingness to kill are two very different concepts. I understand consequences just as well as a mentally stable individual—actually, better than most individuals—and these consequences are taken into account before any decision leaves my mind to be played out by my body. So, no, I am not a common serial killer, brashly challenging the police to a macabre dance on the chessboard whilst masturbating over rotting corpses. I experience no arousal from dead bodies, I am actually rather indifferent to dead bodies. Unless the life has been justly taken.
And here is where my mind is different from all of your minds. I lack that spark of humanity which makes the average person hesitate before taking another's life. I see no inherent sanctity in the value of a human life. As an interesting aside, you may be curious to note that I have never killed or tortured an animal outside of hunting or self defense; and I, in fact, experience remorse while killing animals, even when completely necessary—something I have never felt when killing people. For I live by a very strict code of honor. Family, friends (yes, I have friends), and vengeance all play imperative roles in this code. If this code is broken, there is an imbalance in my life; by removing the person or persons responsible for breaking the code, I am able to restore order. If this concept does not make sense to you—differentiate "make sense" from "appeal"—you most likely lack in the intellectual fortitude required to read this, please kindly move along.
For I have absolutely no patience for the intellectually drab individuals who populate the majority of our world. Unless I need something from them, their only purpose is my entertainment. I revel in my private enjoyment of a dullard's confusion. Please realize, this is not bullying; my victim does not understand that he or she is being mocked and I allow no audience to share in their degradation. Although, I much prefer the company of one who holds no pretenses at intellect over one who considers themselves an intellectual due to their misuse of multi-syllabic vocabulary. These individuals are some of the most worthless creatures crawling the earth; I gladly squash their false-pride as I would a shit-encrusted beetle.
"Vanya," you are most likely saying, "this is all well and good, but when are we going to get to the murder?" Well, you perverse filth, you will have to wait. I am telling this story as it progresses; when I correct an imbalance, I will write about it. The purpose of my writing is not to provide cheap thrills for cowards who Romanticize an act which would eat away at their sanity in real life. No, as a narcissist, I am convinced that my unique and skewed world view would provide a singular reading experience. So sit back, suspend your moral-centrism, and enter my world.
